3:: Lights out, asshole!

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Ok, first I want to thank each and every one of you, who have decided to take this journey on the crazy train of AU with me 🙂 Second, I can’t even find words to describe, how much your comments mean to me or how they motivate me to keep going, so please don’t be shy on me guys. Last, but not least my lovely betas jules3677 and treewitch7031 ROCK!

I know everyone expects me to jump right where I left it off w/ Ludwig (don’t freak out people it’s further down in this chapter) but first I wanted to have some fun with Miss Pam wham thank you ma’am.

So, fasten your seat belts, make sure to keep your hands and feet on the designated areas and here we goooo…. Enjoy 🙂


What a fucking zombie mess! A downright zombie apocalypse! Hysterical punctured bloodbags running around aimlessly in every possible trajectory, whilst screeching like deranged banshees. A heavy cloud of smoke and particles of debris were still raining down, like the great flood decided to make an impromptu pit stop in front of Fangtasia. The asphalt pavement was covered with blood, numerous mutilated bodies, as well as parts and pieces just recently attached to the aforementioned, all scattered about like bloodcrumbs to complete this picturesque landscape.

The three lucky vampires on duty this humid, late June Louisiana night, were heavily making out (OK fine, let’s just call it for what it really was: they were fucking them mercilessly) and feeding on random, more than willing, fangbangers who obviously were too dense to realize the danger they were in. Thanks to the bloodbags willing stupidity, said vampires were on the verge of igniting one hell of a Supernatural bacchanalia.

If only the liberals on Fox News could get their hands on that footage.  Pam snickered envisaging Bill O’Reilly playing commentator to, oh say, the last vampire/fairy war. Sigh. She unfortunately was not even born then, but the tales of the orgies, which took place in the midst of the mayhem, were legendary. Eric, of course never missed pointing out to her that he started half of those wassails. Sigh, again.

On top of all tonight’s havoc one scorched, out of town, dim vampire lay stuck under a blown-to-shits black smoldering van. Which had somehow reared itself onto the front façade of the bar, seeing how it was missing a driver or even a passenger’s carcass and there was no chance for any human to walk away from this scene unscathed. The vampire was missing the lower parts of both legs and one hand, and was trying in vain to get his good hand onto any viable blood source. Guess that would be a good starting place as any to proceed carrying out Eric’s orders.

Pam vamped and grabbed the deranged vampire from under the scorched van, she hissed at the burn she received from touching the hot metal. She really hated fire in any form, just like any normal self-respecting vampire. Thank you, Sir Humphry Davy, for bringing us out of the dark ages and pissing all over the malodorous fire torches and gas lamps. If she still had a need for said human bodily function she would have happily joined him in his grand celebration. Meanwhile the ungrateful handicapped cretin was trying to fight her for her neck, of all things and got himself a venomous growl and a perfectly manicured right hook, successfully severing his spinal cord, putting him indubitably out of a commission for the rest of the night. The vampire does not fall far from its Maker; she too had zero patience policy on stupidity. Lights out, asshole!

Ungrateful little shit! There is no pleasing some people these days.

She vamped to Long Shadow next, with the visiting vampire dangling in her right hand and grabbed him by the neck with her left, just as he was about to reverse position and start ramming some fangbanger from behind,  taking all three of them far away from the surrounding bedlam.

“What the FU…?”

“Shut the fuck up, unless you want me to take you out too!” with that Pam unceremoniously threw the proof to her threat at his feet.


“Well, thank you.” She gave him her sweetest fang smile for his wonderful compliment, which was still way far off from anything sweet. “Summon the others.”

She kicked the head of the incapacitated sorry excuse for a vampire sprawled at her feet in heart-felt gratitude for ruining her Goth getup. If it was not for Eric’s offensive dress code requirement she would never allow such atrocities to touch her cold skin. That was when she noticed four humans, on the opposite side of the chaos, fearfully observing her while hesitantly trying to retreat inside a black van, same make and model as the one currently redecorating the front of Fangtasia.

Motherfuckers! Could they really be that stupid?

They should have left before their little bombing handiwork was even a figment of their thoughtless imagination. She had the three enormous brutes instantly taken care of with a right, left, right and a thump to the head knockout sequence, but the fourth had obviously more extensive military training, because he actually managed to shoot her in the right shoulder with a WOODEN bullet during their scuffle. Once Eric finds out about this he will never let her hear the end of it. Argh! To say that she was outraged would be the understatement of the year.  As if! She did not even think twice before she was tearing into his neck and ripping him limb from limb. She did learn from one of the best after all. Imbecile, that would teach him not to mess with his superiors.  Lights fucking OUT, asshole!

In less than two seconds he was nothing but a pile of bloody fragments. She looked to the right and saw Long Shadow, Thalia and Felicia doing their best to drain his compadres.

“Do not kill them! Felicia, take them all to Warehouse 3 for questioning. Make sure to double check for weapons. Fucker got me with a wooden bullet.” Of course after her mini banquet her shoulder looked as good as ever, with only traces of smeared blood.

That had the present vampires hiss and ready to go on attack again. Thalia, as per her usual, needed an incentive to halt her actions. Therefore, Pam had to quickly rip the idiot from her death grip and tossed him over her head like a sack of potatoes. He landed on the ground with a satisfying bone crunching thud. Sigh. Seems like Pam was going to have her hands full of dimwits at every turn tonight. Sigh again. Like seriously, the last thing she needed right now was to have to defend the bloodbags from what should have been their more than warranted demise.

“Long Shadow, strip their car of any useful intel and bring it to the middle entrance of the parking lot. Felicia, secure Master’s office and anything salvageable from the basement, bring it all to Warehouse 3. Anything that is too far gone, scatter around the front of Fangtasia (code for kill any prisoner that looks like would not stand even an hour of torture). Thalia, call everyone to come to Fangtasia for assistance and to clean this mess.” She kicked what used to be parts of her assailant from her boots and she was off to the next task, which she still could not wrap her head around.

Eric was acting like he was going to keep the three breathers who were stashed in the woods, permanently.  Sure they smelled divine, but who wants the headache of keeping pets around?  He never did!

Pamela Ravenscroft lifted her flawlessly shaped right eyebrow in utter disbelief. No way did this yellow boneshaker pass its DMV annual safety and emissions inspection. Blasting the shit out of it was actually disrespectful to the three explosive devices she was currently holding. Where would her genius Maker stash said explosives? But of course, where else, in his beloved Bertha. It was a stroke of pure luck the bombing was directed to the front of the club and not effective enough to impinge on the employee parking lot behind the now half leveled building.  Shreveport, Louisiana, was safe for another night, it seemed.

Shaking her head she used her strength to rip the car door open, but not even the sweet aroma of their three strange captives coupled with the lingering fragrance of warm sunshine could compensate for the rancid stench of snot, spew, piss and feces. It hit her like a derailed freight train on a mission. If she was not a vampire she was sure she would have been gagging by now.  She was never a fan of the human lunchables and there was your reason why. Just for having to maneuver the offensive yellow rustic shitmarine across the strip mall Eric should reward her with the next hundred years of Fendi’s Fall and Winter collections, at the very least.

She exited the deathtrap quicker than a speeding bullet and rummaged through the shopping bag, she found close by for any identification.  Once she had the driving license in her hand she hurled the remaining contents in the passenger seat, shut the door with as much force without it falling off.  She would never get the putrid stench out of her hair, she was certain of it. Nasty micro hominids should have just stayed in the trees, where they belong. (Word to the wise, if you are into the new age trend of smart healthy living, a good way to achieve that is by never reminding Pam, that she too was part of the herd at one time.) And what the fuck is a Sookie? Even the almighty Google was scratching its head dumbfounded after her quick reference search. 0 results found, check your spelling. Thanks asshole. Were her parents tripping on some heavy-duty acid when that stroke of a pure genius hit them! Were they that redneck illiterate that they could not manage to spell a cookie? Sookie, fo’ real? Like seriously? Welcome to bumfuck Louisiana, ladies and gentlemen!

She looked at Long Shadow impatiently waiting for her by the black van and started devising a plan of action.

“Check with Felicia if any of the basement merchandise has expired and bring me ones resembling a young female and two snack packs. I need them for unidentifiable ashes worth of 144, 36 and 18 lbs. of body weight” the whole statement was delivered in perfect German, which Pam knew he was fluent in.

“We took care of a female drainer earlier today that will do, but where the fuck do you want me to get you two juice boxes, it’s not like they come to play hopscotch on the dance floor every night.” he hissed back in Mandarin just to piss her off, because everyone knew that to this day, she never could get her conjugations correct.

“Use your pathetic imagination asshole; repackage a worthless bloodbag into the approximate quantities, glamour a crackhead fangbanger into snorting the excess cinders, just prove you are not utterly incompetent. You have less than 15 seconds. In no more than three minutes the Police and fire trucks will be here.”  She sassed right back in her usual bored tone. Why does she always get stuck dealing with the utmost inanity?

Pam wasted no time arranging two of the bombs in the yellow poor excuse for transportation and the third in the black van, dousing them with as much gas she could get her hands on from nearby cars; they can call for a taxi, ambulance or a hearse for all she cared. Any self-respecting vampire had his trunk fitted out with a full arsenal of silver, iron, gold, wooden and titanium weapons, a gas can, a fire torch, cash in a minimum 5 different currencies, a change of clothes and fake ID papers just for emergencies such as this or maybe that was the paranoia of her Maker. Either way she was thankful for his resourcefulness, no one was ever going to catch her with her Agent Provocateur panties down. She called Thalia to instruct her to retrieve and secure the one bomb still remaining in Eric’s beloved Bertha. God help us all, if it goes off. Pam shuddered at the thought. She may be a spoiled brat as he claimed, but she was not suicidal.

Next, she called Spider, a mastermind, weird as fuck, hacker, that is putting it politely, to gather a full report together of one Sookie Stackhouse from Bon Temps, Louisiana, wherever the fuck that was, and anyone and anything remotely related to her. His services were not cheap, he did not lift his pinky for anything less than a hundred grand, but he was impeccable at his job. Never asked questions and kept his trap shut at all times, a must when dealing with her kind, all thanks to the fact no one knew where the fucker resided. Genius, indeed. Once your money transfer was cleared, you say jump, he asks how high? In less than 47 seconds her phone was already beeping with his preliminary report of 35 pages.

This should have been Bobby’s job, but Eric’s dayman was proving to be incapable of following even the simplest directions (how does one screw up dry-cleaning, really?) or showing any thought processes for that matter. Case in point, the moron thought that it was acceptable to shop for her Maker at Armani Exchange for a Christmas gift, nonetheless. Just the store name itself was an indication such an act was deplorable. Over her true dead body would her Maker be caught in anything less than a Dormeuil tailored work of Art. Did Eric really strike him like he celebrated baby Jesus birthday or maybe he looked like he was into drinking eggnog and wassailing carols to the local vermin?  One of these days she was going to permanently shut his lights out that was for damn sure. Still, Eric claimed him to be a loyal subject. Sigh.

After Long Shadow arrived with what used to look like a young female and a male in his mid-teens they got to work in staging the fateful scene of Sookie Stackhouse and her children’s tragic deaths. Ever since the Great Reveal, drainers of all ages seems to think they can dabble in vampire blood and live to boast about it. All they did was provide vampires with endless torture entertainment with a zero survival rate. It did not take the two vampires long to finish their task, vampires seemed to rise after being turned with a sixth sense in how to cover their tracks. Though CSI was proving to be one truly dreadful bitch in the last couple of decades.  Still, the Supernatural world had millennia of practice on humans. Your lights never even went on, morons!

Finally to the jubilant part of the night, was all Pam could think, as she and Long Shadow kicked with all their might the two vehicles straight into one another, right after they threw a lit match in their gas tanks. They even had the forethought to stuff the van with any expired merchandise (a.k.a. prisoners) from the basement. The whole thing lit like the Fourth of July making her squawk and clap, like a true lunatic. She despised fire but she worshiped fireworks, go figure.

Thalia and the eleven vampires she summoned now looked at her as though she had grown a fifth head. Screw them, she was not going to let some stuck up vampires shit on her parade. How often do you get to scream Yeah, Get Some! in earnest? Ever since Eric made her sit through that dreadful Generation Kill excuse for a TV miniseries, she wanted to say it.

It was her turn to pick a movie that night, damn it. She would never understand his fascination with everything and anything war or military related. Know thy enemy, her ass, they saw less than ten minutes of action in the three months of their platoon spearheading the war or in the seven hours of her undead life that she would never get back and that is not counting how many times they got lost en route to their targets.

Plus she was still adamant the main character was his long lost brother from another mother, no matter how much he claimed the Viking sex God that was Eric Northman has never had nor would he ever have even a close equal. Sadly, she still had work to do and no time to truly enjoy the chaos of now unequivocally panic-stricken bloodbags. She vamped to the closest ten humans and got them instantly under her glamour.

“You will swear to the human authorities that you witnessed a blonde mother and her two young children were trying to drive out of the parking lot, when a black van intercepted them resulting in this massive explosion.”

She turned to the vampires and commanded “Make sure all who saw the cars explode will attest to this as well.”

Pam did a quick vamp sprint through the bedlam of earsplitting racket, bloody and sobbing vermin to assess the situation and called her Maker with her report. She quickly relayed all his orders to the now seventeen assembled vampires and did not wait the 3 minutes and 58 seconds for the human authorities to finally show up and start hauling the idiots away from her. She was thisclose to losing her last practice of patience and permanently shutting them all the hell up too. It took a full 5 minutes and 21 seconds for the first responders to finally make it there after the floodgates of hell burst that night, pathetic in sooth. Vampire Police force was on the scene less than a minute and 28 seconds covering up exposure of any and all vampire businesses as well as doing the human authority’s jobs.  Humans should really enlist more of their Supernatural counterparts for emergency services, yeah right, like that would ever happen. Thus, she had no quarrel leaving Long Shadow and Indira in charge to deal with that bag of incompetence.

Pam could not wait any longer to get on with the best part of the night; shopping and redecorating, albeit for outrageously fetid anthropoid dwarfs. She had the sinking feeling that it would be an eternity until she would be given the chance to indulge herself in her favorite pastime activity again, if ever. Heavy-duty sigh. Using the Bluetooth in Big Bertha she called her least favorite person on the planet.

“Dog, I am assuming you are dutifully paying off your Pack’s debt working on my Master’s house as we speak?” she asked in the most cheerful sounding voice of a true shopaholic during NY Fashion Week.

“I have a name, Pamela.” Alcide Herveaux growled back at her.

He could not stand the bloodsucking bitch and still could not fathom why a vampire would ever need a four story plantation mansion with outdoor and underground sea salt heated pools, saunas, a bowling alley, a movie theater and all kinds of crazy unnecessary shit; it is not like they are a neighborly bunch throwing Super Bowl rally parties for everyone in the area.

Thank God for small favors making sure they shoot blanks. Just the thought of a bloodsucker with a house full of vamping fang-tykes in diapers gave him the shivers.

What, a hole in the ground or a snug coffin not good enough for Northman? He had been stuck, with his crew, in this God forsaken monstrosity of a house for over week now and still had another week to go. The fuckers would not let them leave the premises, working 24/7 and he would bet his right canine testicle, it was all due to her creepy fashionista ass, he doubted Northman would even set foot in here.

“That you do, puppy, but you also never skip wearing your rancid pelt every full moon”, Pam would never miss a jab at a lowlife werewolf, plus, he set himself up for that one.

“What do you want bloodsucker?” he snarled.

“Are you all done with the underground layer?”

“Yeah, we finished it today at noon, we are working on his greenhouse right now, next is the wood workshop and then his art studio” he snickered.

Well, he would not be giggling like a schoolgirl for long, after Eric glamoured any information pertaining to the house out of them. Moronic Frisbee chasers.

“Wonderful. Now, remove all furniture and start priming the walls of the three bedrooms to the right of his day chamber for new color themes and start planning to turn the adjoining bathrooms into fully functioning human lavatory facilities, you have until dawn for them to be fully finished.”

He was too stunned to respond, plus she hung up on him, as always.

By the time she got to the house, Pam had summoned her top three choices of interior decorators and perused over seventeen high end designer websites on her iPhone and the tablet he left in his car. Undead life could not be better right now, that is until she giddily vamped in the upstairs bedroom only to witness Ludwig lethally growling in Eric’s face.

“Viking, you have exactly two seconds to explain yourself of why you have THOSE PARTICULAR three fairies in your bed and it better be Armageddon, end of the fucking Universe, good, before you NEVER see them again.”

All Pam could do is drop her fangs and look dreamily at the three comatose bodies spread on the enormous bed in front of her, like a delicious all you can eat buffet.

“Fairies!” her voice was all but a ghostly whisper, unable to hide her overwhelming hunger.

That snapped her Maker and the little gnome doctor from their mutual murderous regard and Eric was on her for a second time tonight, this time crushing her windpipe like a pathetically friable twig.

“Leave! Go to your task and speak to no one of this.” He snarled and the tone of voice screamed bloody and painful murder.

Pam was gone in less than a blink of an eye, she was not going to touch this Norse shipping container of fairy blood formerly known as her Maker, The Viking Eric Northman. She was gone in less than a blink of an eye. No wonder Eric has been acting like a possessed maniac. The emotions she was feeling through their bond for the last ten minutes were all over the place and as close to a crack cocaine addict on the trip of his life as a vampire could get without actually draining a full blooded fairy.  Their blood was literally vampire crack. Yum! It really stung that she was under her Maker’s Command to stay away from their ambrosial blood.

“One Mississippi, t…” Ludwig counted, completely ignoring the Supernatural family disturbance call playing out in front of her. Vampires. Were you expecting a five minute timeout facing the corner? She had shit to do and was in the process of hopping on the bed to secure her patients. She will send him his bill through PayPal.

Eric did not give her a chance to finish counting as he attacked her with all his might. She was bat shit, out of her ever loving fucking mind, crazy, if she thought he was going to allow her to take HIS breathers away from him. They were HIS family now. He pounced on her like a lion on a pack of hyenas with the strength of a fully demented berserker; all he saw was bright jam-packed red. Eric had never felt such fervent bloodlust, it was otherworldly intense and in retrospect he should have known better.

Seeing how the irreplaceable Supernatural healer, respected by all, never took a stand in any conflicts or politics, a protective force field of blinding yellow light flung him rearwards with the power of a nuclear bomb.  It happened so unexpectedly and so fast, he could not swear if indeed she did put her wrinkled index digit over his heart or if he ever got so much as within five feet near her. Her impressive Jedi mind control, if it was even her Force doing it, had him catapulting through the opposite wall, hallway corridor, and straight through the wall of the adjacent bedroom like a dirty rag doll.  Whatever magic she unleashed had him pinned down, spread eagled for all the world to see, five feet off the floor against the wall and utterly immobilized.  Eric snarled savagely and tried in vain to even twitch a pinky.  This might be the first time for Eric the Norseman to actually feel despair, his wild untamable beast and true Warrior spirit would never allow for such thing, not even when set to face enemies centuries older than him. But the overwhelming panic that he may lose HIS family, he just found them, all the Gods be damned. NO! He will not allow himself to even venture down that road, NO ONE took from him and lived to tell about it.

Pam was at his side before he even made final contact with the wall and he sent her a warning to get out of there through their bond, he will send for her as soon as he had devised a plan and gained the upper hand.  She hesitated to leave him so vulnerable and this time he used a heavyweight Maker’s reverse call through their bond and sent her flying far from this crazy pandemonium.  As she was being ripped away by an invisible force, she did manage to make a mental note to add to the never ending construction list for Alcide to patch the gigantic holes in the shape of one uber-pissed off Viking. It was nice knowing you doc, not!

“Are you fucking kidding me Northman?” Ludwig was not even the least bit fazed.

“I swear to all the Gods of Asgard, I AM GOING TO KILL you Ludwig, I will hunt you down like a fucking pathetic animal even in sunny bright Faerie, there will be no place in all the worlds for you to hide from me and mine, I will never rest until I obliterate you and anyone or anything even remotely close to you, your fucking milkman isn’t …..” Eric boomed, but Ludwig just tuned him out, like an annoying infomercial.

Eric was roaring with so much venom in his voice, the house was shaking down to its foundation, plaster was falling off the walls like a sand castle in a rain storm.  He was fighting with more strength that he knew he had and managed to actually gain a foot in her direction. The little doctor paid him no mind as she arranged to grab Sookie’s hand in her right as she leaned to the left to take Hunter’s and Addy’s in her other.

“FUCK OFF, Viking! I’ll like to see you try.” She taunted.

At the precise moment she was gathering magic to teleport them, her black leather Gladstone like bag, which she had abandoned on the floor when she first entered this cockamamie situation, busted open discharging a glowing rondure. It was blinding in its bright breathtaking appearance with the likes and beauty of the sun itself. The power and odor of magic was so dense it was suffocating, any being not of Supernatural nature would have been annihilated instantaneously. The force was so immense that it sent Pam and the whole work crew well outside the boundary of the property lines. It surrounded the house in a clearly visible sun sphere, even to the naked human eye. Pam just sat there observing, dumbfounded, in awe of how to assist with whatever Eric had gotten himself into. She tried to rush to him, but whatever ward was in effect did not burn her, nonetheless it would not allow her to advance a millimeter either.

This time it was Ludwig’s turn to be forcefully ripped through the air landing her directly in front of her medical bag with a thump. If Eric was not temporarily knocked out he would have sneered in pure glee. The only thought that went through his mind as the light engulfed him and repelled him backwards was that this was not even close to the end. He would find a way to come back and get HIS family and rip the little hobgoblin limb by fucking limb, bathe and dance in her blood. As he snapped back to reality a second later in total shock of his impeccably preserved body, the first thing he noticed was that all the injuries to each of the three family members had finally stopped bleeding and they were now out of danger of succumbing to excessive blood loss. He watched in wonder as a large gold crystal stone, likes of which he has never witnessed before, floated upwards and landed in Ludwig’s outreached left palm.

“How may I be of service to Thee My …..”

Whoever she was communicating with must have cut her off because all she did was bow her head in submission and stayed silent and motionless for a long time only occasionally sparing a glance towards the little family of three still spent telepaths ending each time with a slight confirmation nod. Eric put all his concentration into hearing what was being said, but it was absolutely futile, all he was privy to was her responses.




Again nothing but silence.


More fucking SILENCE.

“As you wish.” Ludwig threw an extremely suspicious glance at Eric as she continued speaking in an utmost serious tenor. “I hereby pledge MINE, life and loyalty, to THEM and vow to THEE, no harm will come from I.” She bowed low with all sincerity.

Again with the cryptic shit, someone better start singing like a canary or heads will roll!

“A quick advance warning would have be….” she was once again brought to a deadly halt as she lowered her whole body even further in an utmost respectful bow.

Whatever was happening was of epic magnitude, to say the least and this really started to unnerve Eric. You do not lightheartedly pledge loyalty to anyone in the Supernatural world, any form of waiver to such act is to sign one’s death warrant.  He did not give a single shit who was pledging fealty to whom, all he was certain of was that they were HIS family and no one was taking them anywhere without HIS permission.

“I apologize, I meant no disrespect.” was her quick show of total obedience.

It tickled Eric’s funny bone to see the little hell troll bend over ready for a spanking and he could not help but sneer at her, earning him a look that could kill in return.

That put Eric slightly at ease but his unceasing effort to free himself and take them all to safety redoubled when three pulsing bright orbs shot out of the crystal and advanced towards the peacefully sprawled bodies. His panic over the unprecedented scene was back and in triple force. He fought and watched helplessly as each orb settled above its corresponding telepath under the vigilant supervision of the sun bright rondure and started to enlarge and pulsate faster and faster, as if they were breathing heavily in preparation for something not very pleasant to commence. With a final enormous harmonized pulse they forced all three telepaths to violently arch forward and as if performing a trick by lure pulled three small pulsating sun orbs from their chests right where their hearts were located. This could not be good, was all Eric could think and continued to pray that this would not be the last image of them he was left with as he slipped back to his dead and cold eternal existence, which would undoubtedly be as such, if he did not find a way to permanently secure their warmth to him. The larger three orbs hovering above the smaller ones darted towards the breathtaking (though terrifying) sunny rondure and combined with it in a blinding exposure, successfully creating one large ray of light sunny globe. To the human eye it would have been missed, but he could clearly see a throbbing Waning Gibbous with its own black ray in the center of the now big sun luminous rondure.

Eric whimpered as he watched their faces take on a painful state as their little sun spheres advanced up their bodies in the direction of their brows.  Their action started to mimic the previous three larger orbs, as if they had formal training of years doing so and could graciously and fluently perform with their eyes closed. The three orbs started pulsating also in a steadily faster and faster cadence and flowed backwards in the air like they had woven an invisible thread around their targets and were pulling them out in the open. First was Sookie’s small radiating Waning Gibbous to emerge from her forehead and steadily advance towards the small sunny orb awaiting its fusion. However, as soon as the process began to duplicate in action with the children, Sookie eyes snapped wide open with no detectable life inside them and violently started to fight against the unknown to her, or Eric, ritual. No sound was coming from her, she was just as deathly silent as before, but her whole body thrashed and convulsed with brutal force almost shattering her bones in the process, white foam started running from her mouth.

“Shit!” Ludwig whispered in a ghastly defeated tone as the large luminescing globe instantly ceased any further action and dwindled to half its size.

All the small sunny orbs instantly returned in their original places, aligned with the once again motionless family of three. Only the foam running down Sookie’s cheek was evidence that anything toxic had taken place.

Eric roared a ferocious Warrior’s cry for battle, not heard by humans in over a thousand years. He lost it completely, when he saw the first sign of distress in Sookie. His inner beast tore through him like an untamable and viciously rabid animal demanding the death of everything in its path. Not even halfway through Sookie’s frantic reaction that lasted but a second, he was ripping at the force holding him back like it was some sort of a bad joke. He did not know nor cared how he was capable of extracting a pure black pellet of energy from his chest cavity sending all furniture flying at an ungodly speed in all directions. Eric looked like he was the eye of a tornado and nothing in his path stood chance for survival. He had crossed the length of the two bedrooms and was mere inch away from taking his revenge on Ludwig when she screamed in full horror.

“Little help over here!!!!”

The sun luminescing rondure precipitously absorbed the dark energy in its entirety and forced it back into Eric making him double over in pain. It was as if his heart had been torn apart twice in less than a second and now it was contracting heavily like he was trying to catch his breath, something utterly foreign to his millennial existence. He once again found himself restrained of any movement. At least he was physically closer to HIS family now.

“I will fucking kill all of you, I will find you and ….” He boomed.

Well the sunny rondure obviously had no patience for Eric either, as it shoved a small extension of itself down his throat and effortlessly silencing his tirade. Eric hissed in menace as it scorched his throat. It too had shit to complete and babysitting a dimwitted vampire was by no means part of its job description, so it graciously flowed back to Ludwig leaving him to sulk all by his deserted lonesome. She extended her free right hand to it and two small glass vials of different fluorescent substances appeared in it. One was green and the other one sky blue, she stashed them wordlessly in her pocket as she went to her bag to return the crystal she has been holding and retrieve a couple of pouches of what smelt like medicinal herbs.  She teleported herself into the middle of the bed and poured a single drop of the green liquid in each of the three telepaths mouths, which had Eric intensify his fight belligerently against, whatever was restraining him, all over again.  He did not trust anything these two wackos were trying to do and if they harmed his Angel in any shape or form again, nothing was going to stop him from killing them after painfully torturing them for an eternity.

The large sun bright rondure pulsed, as if more than just annoyed with him at this point and started gliding him through the air towards the bed. Eric ceased all combat and gratefully accepted its decision.  He was settled not so graciously against the headboard with a loud bang to his thick head, his legs were spread open with a rough kick to each and making Ludwig snicker, to which Eric just smiled and purred in response. He was finally getting his wishes answered and actually blew raspberries and stuck his tongue out at her in victory as Sookie was gently lifted and positioned to lay on her stomach between his feet with her face across his chest followed by Hunter and Addy landing in each of his awaiting arms as he tightly hugged them to his cold body. Finally! He sighed in unrestrained delight. He stretched his gigantic arms and lovingly started petting his perfect girls (AKA the most magnificent tits in all the worlds), he truly missed them being so far away for so long. He purred and vibrated in unadulterated joy and rubbed his face all over the three telepaths marking them with his scent. Ludwig just shook her head in utter disbelief at his childish behavior, if only she had taken a video, she would have made a killing. Eric was just about to clean the white dry crust of foam around Sookie’s mouth by licking it diligently when Ludwig screamed in fear.

“Stop! Tell me you have not taken any of their blood, Viking.” Her tone was colder than ice.

“Why?” Who the hell was she to tell him what he can and cannot do with them, they were HIS to do as he please.

“Just answer the question vampire.” the little doctor hissed impatiently as the rondure started to illuminate brighter and brighter.

“She had passed out and I didn’t wanted her to deteriorate from massive blood loss, so I cleaned her deepest gash” Eric tried to defend himself, yeah even to him it sounded lame. Though he was not lying per se, it was the logic behind closing that specific injury after all.

The sunny rondure started throbbing in pure anger and purposely darted away from Eric before it gave him a piece of its mind, if it did there would not be much of Viking left. Ludwig quickly followed it and stretched her arm to receive another small vial, this one filled with a fluorescent magenta, almost blindingly pink in nature.

“Get up Viking”

Eric made no attempt whatsoever to leave his comfy place of being squished under HIS family, plus he was on a playdate with the girls. He was too high on joy of having the three of them finally in his arms, if anything he was annoyed that they still had not woken up. He should have been already playing tug -of- war with HIS little boy whilst mercilessly tickling HIS little girl, all the while being showered with feather like kisses from their mother.

“Unless you have a death wish of being slowly turned into a delirious lunatic or get so lucky to only receive the beating of your undead life by THEE, I sincerely recommend you get your pesky ass over here vampire!”

“Do I really have to?” Eric whined worse than any two year old and all but stamped his foot in protest.

Maybe the little hell troll had a point something was definitely out of whack with him.

The sunny rondure was done with his little charade and literally teleported his ungrateful ass in front of Ludwig. Seeing how this was his first time riding the supersonic bullet train of the Supernatural world, without voluntarily purchasing his ticked he may add,  Eric swayed from side to side in his dazed and confused state. Then Ludwig just had to put her hands on his abdomen and literally suck all the joy out of him.  Eric hissed in pain. She had the worst bedside manner and she calls herself a doctor, his torture practices had more finesse than this.

“How long ago did you take her blood?”

“Why?” he was back to whining.

He just wanted to get back into bed with HIS family and his BFF’s, dammit.

“So I can make a professional ratio calculation of time to proper antidote quantity” Ludwig hissed back annoyed.

Well, he was not that thrilled with her and her uninvited sidekick either, so they can pitch their own tents right next to his and join his exasperated party of one; watch how many fucks he gives. Eric did not answer her and just picked his phone out of his pocket, which miraculously was still intact and functioning after the mother of all wall smashing he had received earlier. He was going to double his stocks in Apple later tonight, for sure. Pam’s vampire gift of dead accuracy in anything numerical was very handy as much as it was unbearably annoying most days.

“Pam, how long ago did you feel me cum harder than the Big Bang?” The memory put a smile on his face.

“16 minutes, 58 seconds. Eric, what the hell is..?” He promptly hung up on her and did not even bother relating the message. Any Supernatural creature would have been able to hear her loud and clear.

Ludwig narrowed her eyes at him halfway through his question, she wore an overall unreadable expression however. Eric just smiled brightly at her. She should have been there, it was nothing short of fucking PHENOMENAL.  The sunny rondure though, was, plain as day, displaying its outrage and murderous fury by pulsing impossibly bright in his face by the time Pam started talking. The illumination was making Eric squint involuntarily, before it darted straight for Sookie to lovingly pat her face with its rays and hovered down her body to her lower abdomen.  It was more than obvious to any Supe that it simply smelled her for evidence of Eric’s cumtribution and when it moved to check the children Eric hissed and was just about to display his own outrage in a form of a single digit when Ludwig cut him off.

“Drink this!” she ordered as she handed him the small magenta phial.

Oookay, now we had a couple of problems here. First whoever issued her doctors degree was a total phony and a complete whack job or she skipped the full day of extensive lecturing, which covered the uber long text on a strict vampire diet that containing one single item: blood. Mostly whatever she was selling was fucking PINK of all colors and he was not buying it, not a chance it hell. There is a reason he had a healthy aversion to the said color, it was fucking GIRLY and he is all MAN, damn it. As if she had even the slightest clue to what he was thinking, he dropped his jeans to the floor in order to demonstrate the proof of all his Viking sex God magnificence, accompanied with a vigorous verbal declaration.

“No way!”

“Then have it your way fool.” She answered in equal zeal.

Ludwig was asexual for sure, she looked at him with as much interest as anyone would when watching the weather channel. Next thing Eric knew she barely missed the barrel of his sterile baby maker by injecting a syringe full of pink liquid and emptying it directly into his dorsal vein. He may not need his remarkable equipment for the basic reproductive purposes, but that did not mean he was not committed to its well-being. You could say he devoted his whole undead life to proving its worthiness despite its shortcoming to produce little towheaded Vikings. This Viking has never had a single complaint against it, nothing less than A-one praises from all customers.

“What the fuck Ludwig?”

“You chose option B” she shrugged, as if where else would she administer the cure to his stupidity.

Uh, Eric could think of at least ten better places, nevertheless he could not deny to instantly starting to feel more like himself.  Did he really blow raspberries at her less than a minute ago?

“Do not attempt to take any type of fluids from them until they wake.”

“And the reason for that would be?” His patience with the little doctor was evaporating by the second.

“Because you are lucky you are not someone else or you would’ve dropped deader on the spot and in your case you have got what you deserved vampire, too bad we caught it so early.” Her voice was drowning in disappointment.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Eric hissed.

“It means that their blood right now was slowly, but steadily making you high as a kite.”

“And that would be bad because?” Eric looked at her utterly bewildered and seriously could not think of one single reason why that would be a bad idea and anything short of this is fucking AWESOME.

“Oh hey, if you want to start twirling and plucking flowers from your rose garden while singing: It’s a wonderful world after all while chit chatting with Dumbo and his pink elephant buddies or better yet attempt to win a philosophical debate with the local redneck scholars of why screwing with your sister or cousin doesn’t constitute as spreading them genes ‘round, don’t let me stop you. Knock yourself out, tough guy.”

Well, that fucking blows, what happened to gorging oneself on blood and good old orgies till dawn and no clue to who this Dumbo was or the song she was talking about. Eric may have pouted a little.

“Yeah, I thought so. Though I wouldn’t mind watching you prank call The Council or The Pythoness to tell her to go suck on sunshine” she laughed and the sound was straight out petrifying. Eric was convinced she has never so much as cracked a smile in her life, because the whole deed looked out of place on her face.

OK, fine. Bad fucking idea, he got the point.

“Did anything traumatic happen before they became unresponsive?”  Ludwig asked after she calmed, it took a while, but she finally got there.

“If you want to call bombing the shit out of some hundred worthless bloodbags, sure, something traumatic happened. By which point these three decided to act like total nut cases. Any ideas as to why that was, oh wise doctor?”

“Shit, no wonder.” She murmured.

Eric just cocked an eyebrow. He already was itching to kill her; she can’t be that stupid, could she?

Four seconds, shitload of paperwork and in her case a fucking forest of paperwork.

“Yes, I do and no I’m not going to tell you what they are. It’s for me to know and for you to find out.”

“What the hell is wrong with them?” Eric boomed at her, he had lost all patience with the little hell troll.

“Calm the fuck down vampire. Nothing mentally is wrong with them. The problem with them is that they are at the gates of the Crease, stuck in the Total Eclipse.” Ludwig said this way too fucking calmly for Eric’s liking.


OK, my friends now is the time to (pretty, pretty) please let me know what you think, your comments truly motivate me and thank you for reading 🙂

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One response to “3:: Lights out, asshole!

  1. Natsgirl

    July 26, 2015 at 2:35 am

    I’m with you – I don’t like Alcide, so torturing him in print is fun. ‘Moronic frisbee chaser’ – good one! Sounds like the blood is more potent/potentially lethal? Eric certainly is acting like a moron! Leave it to Ludwig to be in the middle of it and just as snarky as always!

    Liked by 2 people


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