2:: here lay stupid

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Peachy, now rude Santa Claus and evil Alice of Wonderland were wearing identically homicidal expressions; lethally staring towards the cacophony of distant shrieks.

That was the last coherent thought Sookie could muster.

If those two vampires shared her telepathic abilities, they would have concurred that all was just dandy with the world.

The bar was doubtlessly in ruins. On top of it all, the vampires had their hands full with not one but three obviously mentally disturbed creatures. With all their shrieking and thrashing around glamouring, would be of no use if you could not get them to focus on your eyes for the command to take effect.

The red haze of bloodlust was rapidly creeping onto the two vampires, the surrounding luscious mixture of blood and fear was everywhere and overwhelming all their senses and primal instincts. The enchanting smell had an actual physical taste to it. Their beasts were starting to roar and demand to be let loose. The sweet fragrance of the detainees and the blood with the ambrosial bouquet gushing out of the busty blonde were of no help either; if anything they were just goading them on tenfold.

A plan needed to be devised instantly.

In the meantime Hunter was being ripped away from one vampire, who responded with a malicious hiss of protest and hurled towards his mother by the other.

Nothing that was happening around any of the family members was registering in their minds any longer. The power of the external anguish possessed them wholly and they were nothing but hollow shells.

The tall monstrosity of a vampire asserted his dominance by bringing petite evil Alice to her knees with his own death grip on her throat and was the first to break the silence with a clearly malevolent snarl.

“Pamela, as your Maker I forbid you to EVER feed on them.”

“You can be a real sadistic and selfish bastard som….”

Oh, Hell NO!!! She did not just get sassy with HIM – Her Maker, THE Norseman, in the middle of a shitstorm nonetheless!!!!!

Her tone was an impressive combination of a lethal growl and a grousing whine and would have been admirable had it not been so disrespectful to the sacrosanctity of a formal Command given by one’s Maker.

More often than not Eric Northman indulged his Childe’s every whim, something  frowned upon by vampire standards, but he never hesitated, even for a second, to exert his authority and inform any fool of lapses in protocol when called for. He had absolutely zero tolerance for insubordination and even less for stupidity.

Beloved Childe or not, Pam was not exempt from this rule, not by a long shot. She was smart enough to learn very early on that she was indeed a spoiled brat, capable of endlessly badgering her Maker, only to be reprimanded with a glare; nonetheless there was an invisible line, which if she so much as dare touch, no mercy would be shown to her nor any other creature. So, it was no surprise when she immediately threw herself at his feet mid rant and offered her neck to rectify her behavior.

“Forgive me Master, I meant no disrespect. You may bestow any punishment you deem fit.”

“Oh, I most certainly will, my dearest Childe and just for choosing such an inconvenient time to act like a total cunt, when you of all those who roam this earth should know better, prepare yourself for something far less pleasant than a relaxing bubble bath in warm silver.”

Fuck a Zombie. Fuck A Herd Of Zombies. Just FUUUCK!!!

It was not enough the way he spat his contempt and disappointment in regards to her blunt disrespect to his Maker’s Command, he was flooding the bond connecting them with so much hostility and loathing, she would be lucky if she survived what was zooming towards her at speed of the Big Bang. The brutal force of it all was crippling and making her shake uncontrollably.

At his age Eric was well aware, that mental torture, especially if done methodically, was more effective than any physical pain to the flesh a vampire could sustain.

In sooth, Jedi mind tricks were a bitch. It had been centuries since she had to be severely punished (none of those, no clothes and shoes splurging for a day this time) and evidently she was overdue for a reminder. Her selective inability to recall the fearful memories was another layer intensifying his fury. The fact that he did not have the time to act on it was already threatening the longevity of her undead existence, like never before.

“Pay homage to all known Gods, Pam, that I would not take your final and true death into my hands as well.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Rise Childe, it would do you much good to remember you are walking a very thin silver line for the foreseeable future. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Excellent. First, I need you to find their vehicle”, he indicated the direction of their captives “and make it look like they perished in the bombing, if you need, use one of the four bombs I was able to extract from the club before all hell broke loose. Minimal to no casualties. However there should be no doubt of their demise, nothing left to identify their bodies, but a residue of ashes and a mangled piece of metal with a VIN number.”

“Yes, Master.”

There was nothing but unquestionable servitude in her voice or on her stony facial expression, but their bond revealed the doubt if her Maker was currently indeed in possession of all his faculties. Sure, they needed the bloodbags for interrogation, but there was an undertone of a stronger need in his blood, than simply extracting information and covering up their impending demise. If she did not know better it was some faint form of longing. She could barely detect it and only because the blood bond was unprecedentedly wide open. The hissing warning she received made her mentally look for her own stake, monogram it with an apt ::here lay stupid:: bejeweled with a smiley faces, all while happily skipping and whistling along, as Beck so poetically put it: I am a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

“Second, find out what the fuck that was? I know with certainty I got all the bombs out of the bar. There better not be so much as a smudge on my car or nobody will be spared. I swear to the almighty Odin, Shreveport will not even exist as a word in any fucking language, in any fucking realm.”

“Yes, Master.”

It is not like he needed to breathe, but that was the only way he could think to calm himself before he spurred into a full on homicidal rampage. It was more than an avowal; it was the honest to all Gods truth. Eric has killed for far less and this was his baby we were talking about. It was not even the most expensive car he owned, in fact it was the cheapest, but for some mysterious reason Big Bertha was one of his private pride and joys and he protected her with the uncalled ferocity of a berserker.

Let’s face it, all paperwork since the Great Reveal of vampires was a bitch, enough to hold him back for full four seconds. Honestly who needs three copies of every signed document? As per usual, Eric could not let his contempt slip past unnoticed and if he had to suffer so did everyone else, so not even a decree was going to rectify his childish tactic of sending three copies of absolutely everything, even an email. At this point it was just pure habit to triple click on the little paper plane. Technology was a long way from catching up with the speed of any vampire, they were lucky he did not send them twenty copies. It was infuriating enough that he had to wait on the stupid thing to catch up to his commands most days.

No, the only thing stopping him right now was his impeccable self-control, well built over a millennium. Long gone was the time he acted rashly or without just cause. Long gone were the nights of the ungovernable vampire with the temper of a toddler. Of course, it took the Ancient Pythoness, her incontestable word and her swift ruling to any and all nonsense, but even her oracular gift did not prepare her for what was Eric the Norseman.

Case in point, he has never expressed gratitude to her and it was not because he was working out the last details of the elegant banquet he was throwing in her honor. That did not mean he did not respect the Old Bat. After all, he was a lot of things, but foolish or suicidal were not amongst them. He just simply had a perfectly reasonable aversion, or so he liked to think, to ill thought out orders. Especially ones that commanded him to play the highest level of Enforcer and forced him to deal for centuries with the lowliest of his kind. Any form of punishment they were sentenced to was just in his book, if not for any reason, but purely because they were stupid enough to not cover their tracks and allow themselves to be caught.

Like everything, there is always a positive and a negative to it.

Pros: his work as an Enforcer helped him fine-tune the fighting skills he developed as a Viking Warrior, he become an unshakable tracker, an acute survivalist and most of all master of his self-control, patience (eh, let’s call it a work in progress with plenty of room left over for improvements), a shrewdly practical strategist.

Cons: his reputation preceded him in this and several more realms, rarely letting him participate in any fights now. Since, suicide was not in any Supernatural dictionary and if a human was to ever best him, well Eric personally was going to fetch his own wooden stake, buff it, file it, decorate it with flowers, rainbows, butterflies and silver engraved it with ::here lay stupid:: sigil. In the words of the local scholars: it ain’t never gonna happen.

His new four second mantra for a shitload of paperwork was split in the first three used to prepare and center himself, though in reality it took him only a fraction of a nanosecond, and the fourth was to give his nowadays nonexistent opponents time to reconsider and pull their own shit together. Since, his option for stress relief currently included the deaths of hundred frantic humans a mile away and/or Pam. None of them a worthy adversary, he used the four seconds to chant his mental mantra and take a proverbial deep breath by looking up to the night sky, before returning to his tasks.

His sweet lovely Bertha had better be fine, that is all he had to say to that.

“Third, if any vampire is injured take them to Warehouse 1 and get them help.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Fourth, assign and supervise Long Shadow and Indira to deal with any property damage and coordinate with the human authorities.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Fifth, summon Heidi to track any leads on who is responsible. Assign Thalia to help her in only capturing and detaining any offenders, she is not allowed to harm or kill them” he sighed, with her temper it was still a wide life-threatening berth, “Tell her she will be severely punished if she disobeys.” There that should cover it; it was always a let’s all cross our fingers and toes and hope so with Thalia. Sigh.

“Yes, Master.”

“Sixth, assign Felicia to secure my office or transfer it to Warehouse 3 including whatever is salvageable from the basement.” In other words he was not going to lose daytime dead rest over any prisoners.

“Yes, Master.”

“Seventh, any vampire not in risk of bloodlust is to assist the human authorities and gather any available Intel.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Eighth, summon every vampire of Area 5 to Warehouse 3 in three hours. I want full report on how tonight came to be.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Ninth, I need you to send someone using your car to collect us” again he nodded in the direction of the still screaming and quaking humans.

Really still going? He shook his head. Humans, he will never fully comprehend them.

“Yes, Master.”

“Tenth, you have exactly 2 minutes and 15 seconds to accomplish this before you call me with a preliminary report. Your time started 23 seconds ago.”

Eric gave her his signature lopsided pompous smirk, finished with one perfectly sculpted raised eyebrow, just daring her to utter one of her usual smart-ass comebacks. He knew he was being an ass himself, but she had no idea it was only but the beginning of what was to befall her. A human had a better chance fighting off a tsunami with a Popsicle.

“Yes, Master.” Pam’s answer was just like the previous ones, unwavering in prime obedience.

As she was gathering vamp speed to take on her tasks, his Santa Claus jolly voice stopped her dead in her tracks. He was looking intently at the little family of three incapacitated bodies as he all, but sang to her.

“Oh and Pam, dear, convert the bedrooms closest to my underground day chamber, with all the amenities needed, into a suite befitting a young lady with two adjacent crèches. You have until dawn. Off you go.”

He did not even say which of his houses he had in mind, just taunting her for any sort of reaction. But as always his Childe was too astute and in effect knew his needs and wants better than he did most times, so of course she had no need for further clarifications.

“Yes, Master” and she was gone.

Thank the Gods for the small favor of impeccable vampire memory recall, he never had to repeat himself and if he did, well no one has lived to hear him do so.

He knew his last order was in no shape or form a punishment or even a challenge for her, even if he had given her a half an hour for execution. She loved shopping and decorating way too much which was way too unfortunate for Eric’s Black American Express card. If anything he probably had just made her night. Sigh.

He had no doubt by dawn the late Gianni Versace himself would end up personally installing curtains and mounting wall shelves.

His Bertha had better be more than OK and his house better not look like Barbie puked her glittery pink guts all over the place.

Shaking his head he pulled his phone out from his back pocket and begrudgingly tapped a number from his speed dial. The handful of times he had to interact with the little hobbit, or whatever kind of a hellacious troll she was, always left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and somehow it never got easier to swallow.

Yes, he was not an easy man to get along with, fine, some may say impossible. Even so, everyone had the good sense to know the key was to show him due respect, follow his lead and all will be swell.

It was that simple, really. Not so much, when dealing with the brand of I don’t give two shits rubbed together who you may be also known as one, oh so not lovely Dr. Amy Ludwig.

“I need your services. Meet me in my house in ten.”

“It will cost you an additional 100K”, she did not even wait for confirmation before she hung up.

There was no love lost between them so why bother with pleasantries. There was never blunt disrespect in their dealings, it was borderline cordial. She had more political sway than all the Gods put together and he could bet his whole fortune she got a twisted pleasure in imposing it, especially on him. It annoyed him beyond belief that she never asked for an address or the very least pretended she needed directions. She just knew where to show up and not a single ward that he had ever put in place or had heard of could prevent her from popping her little wrinkled ass all over the damn universe.

Bertha had better look like she just rolled out of a car wash. Sigh.

Another loud bang shook the ground and the surrounding screams seemed to double in their hysteria. He just shook his head at what Pam was sending through their bond, it had switched instantly from annoyance and outrage to pure bliss. She was indeed in heaven. Sigh again. It would be rectified in due time.

For the first time tonight, since the gates of hell had burst open, he crouched down over the bodies and took notice of their features. As if on command all three went stock-still and silent, showing no signs of life, completely catatonic. Eric had to truly concentrate his vampire hearing to detect any heartbeats; the ants were making more noise. He actually had to untangle and lay them next to each other in order to lift their eyelids and make sure the spark of life was still there. It was, albeit barely smoldering. It would seem they somehow achieved a perfect self-induced, life undetectable coma. If he was not staring right at them he would not know they were there. Impressive and more than just disconcerting, his vampire instincts perceived them as a threat and was demanding their total annihilation. He rapidly stepped away and put a healthy distance between them before he did something regrettable.

That was the moment when Maxwell approached him and the instant he sensed the limp bodies on the ground his fangs ran out and his pupils dilated. The ambrosial blood called to him like his undead existence depended on it. He attacked before he even knew what was happening.

Unfortunately for him almost none were faster or stronger than Eric Northman, so Maxwell never got to move a hair before he too was brought to his knees by a death grip on his throat.

“MINE” was all Eric roared in his face, shaking the whole forest and it was all it took to snap the young vampire out of his trance.

“Forgive me Master” was Maxwell’s instant response and he too, as Pam had earlier, averted his eyes to the ground and bared his neck in submission.


The trembling vampire did not need to be told even once. It took a hell of a lot to cow a vampire into acting so human. They were too arrogant and pretentious for that to pass, but that was exactly what Maxwell was feeling in this instance. As if he had never been turned and was facing one unbelievably infuriated vampire. He vamp sped out of there before the car keys Pam had tasked him to deliver made contact with Eric’s palm.

Eric once again found himself repeating his four seconds shitload of paperwork mantra, so he would not go after one of his underlings. He looked once more to the sky and closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand. This night was just one shit storm after another.

Bertha had better be looking like she is ready to take first prize in a car show.

He turned and walked back to the motionless bodies. They looked almost angelic in their peaceful state. All three possessed unmistakable familial resemblance. Their blonde hair had a silky shine to it under the moonlight; soft perfect curls cascaded around their faces and encompassed them like halos of pure sunshine. There were only minor differences in the shades of their ringlets. The young woman had the medium flaxen, almost identical to his own. Eric smiled. Her hair length was a little longer than his and looked like it reached just above her Venus’ dimples. Her curls were big and gave a nice bouncy volume to her locks. Her lips were a lovely natural deep red, they were plump and complimented her delicate round nose. Her eyes were the color of bright turquoise, like the icecaps of his homeland. That made Eric smile wider. Mighty Odin and Thor, she was divinely gorgeous! She had perfectly sculpted cheekbones with a light rose touch to them. Hmm, wonder what shade of pink her nipples are? Eric pulled down the, near left side, of her dress and bra. He was met with the most beautiful breast he had ever laid his eyes on, in all his thousand some years. That in itself was more than impressive, seeing how just his mental bust catalog could easily fill the shelves of ancient Alexandria. What can he say; he was a vampire with an insatiable sexual appetite even before he was turned.

He reached and pulled the other one out as well. He cupped one in his hand and studied it like he was giving it a Cancer Breast Exam. It was firm, heavy, feathery smooth with a rose pink bud, there was more than enough to overflow even his enormous hand. He traced his fingers across her warm body to the other globe and leaned down to swirl his tongue around the outline of the former, cataloging each peak and valley of its enticing topography to his eidetic memory as he went on his mini voyage. Her skin tasted like pure sunlight. Just unfuckingbelievable! He never experienced anything even remotely close to this, it made his eyes roll to the back of his head and his body shudder in pure ecstasy. He drew a wet circle with his flat tongue around the peak of her nipple and blew a breath of cold air on it before hungrily sucking it into his mouth like a starving neonatal. He could feel it enlarge and harden with each of his suctions and watched the other bud responding in perfect synchronicity, whilst he pinched and tweaked it roughly with his thumb and middle finger. Eric pulled on and stretched her breast between his teeth running his fang over the sensitive flesh and using all his self-control not to puncture the skin. He did not trust himself, if he were to taste her divine nectar from pounding into her like a wild animal through the earth’s core and not coming out on the other side. Just playing with her breasts was threatening to make him cum hard and prematurely like a pathetic adolescent and that has never been a case, not even when long ago he was one. Eric may have finally entered Valhalla. He rolled her nipple between his teeth and sucked it hard one last time before releasing it with a slight pop and gave his new best friends a gentle kiss each. He watched with delight as her tits bounced in the wake of his admiration. He was not saying goodbye to HIS girls. Yes. He decided her breasts were now HIS favorite toys, HIS perfect girls. No. He was simply assuring them that he was going to see to their needs a little later. Gods, his cock has never been this fucking hard, it was actually physically painful.

Bertha had better be waiting for him out front with a bag of blood when he got home.

Eric turned his focus to observing the teacup humans. Yes, that will instantly kill his raging hard on. He never felt anything remotely sexual towards children even when he had needed to feed on them the handful of times he had been in a tight spot. Sure, their pure undiluted blood tastes better, but they were prone to being exceedingly easy to drain or at the very least left sick from blood loss. You do not intentionally sever your own food supply, unless you are completely suicidal and vampires certainly were not. So, it was against vampire law to feed on any younglings. Nothing united enemies and turned even humans into dangerous opponents, more than a threat to one’s fledglings. Plus, he never saw the appeal in an undeveloped body figure.

Eric could never fathom how some vampires would turn a child. It was extremely rare, but it did happen. They never lasted long before they were found and eliminated.

There are many reasons they were not allowed to exist. As much as vampires would like you to believe that there is nothing remotely human left in them, their overall personality carried over as a remnant into their undead life. Therefore, even a vampire, millennia old, turned in its human teens were forever prone to quick, harsh and ill thought out actions. They were impulsive and most times impossible to reason with. I want it and I want it NOW, with a foot stomp, to hell with the consequences. Like overgrown toddlers with god like strength and speed along with a taste for blood and violence, bad idea all around.

Previously Eric had the unfortunate assignment to dispose of a few. It filled him with a world of ire, these were the only killings he gained no pleasure out of, it was not their fault their Makers were utter morons. However, he took great satisfaction in teaching said morons the error of their ways with months of delightful torture before sending them, too, on their merry way to their true death by personally ripping their heads off.

Eric smiled at these pleasant memories.

Feeling as if he had his lust under control he looked at the little ones’ faces more closely. They had similar round button noses like their mother. The boy’s eyes were light blue with bright gray undertones while the girls were a darker blue but with deep green flecks. Both pairs of eyes were unique and stunning. The boy’s hair was the darkest of the three. All had natural golden highlights and beautifully sun kissed silky skin tone. Both children had perky little pink lips. The little girl had just started growing her almost white hair, which was held back on one side with a small sparkling silver bow. She did not have a lot of hair and Eric was wondering if her mother had to glue it on and if so how was he supposed to get the hair tie out without damaging her. Hmm? Well, Google was his best friend nowadays for anything human related; it has not failed him so far. He was positive he was going to be using it a whole heap in the upcoming future. The bow perfectly complemented her lovely tent cut dress of the same material with big puffy shoulder straps. Even her little silver shoes-socks were part of the ensemble. Her tight curls would make Shirley Temple green with envy. She was going to be one gorgeous woman and the boy one handsome man. Both children looked very healthy with pudgy little limbs and chubby rosy cheeks.

The boys outfit consisted of light tan shorts down to his mid-thigh being held up by light colored suspenders with images of bright red fire trucks on them. He had on a short sleeve dark plaid dress shirt in tones of dark blues and reds, dark blue dress shoes with scrunched tan color socks. The colors were perfectly coordinated and the whole outfit was pulled together with a bow tie of the same red fire truck pattern. Their mother was wearing the perfect Southern Belle sun dress, white with designs of big red flowers and delicate white ballerina slippers. The dress looked so fucking sexy on her (he did not dare evaluate her body, let’s just say they did not grow them like that anymore) that he would love to rip it off of her before fucking her into submission and his hard on was back with a vengeance. Eric was not aware up to this moment that vampires were indeed capable of getting blue balls.

He shook his head to clear it, yet another first for him. She had simple earrings made of red glass teardrops and a slightly larger droplet at her neck. The value was not worth a single dollar, but it complemented the overall look charmingly, along with the same red glass headband with a big bow on the right side. Of course their clothes had seen better days thanks to Pam’s oh so tender treatment, which was adding to her punishment. She had minimal makeup, some mascara with a light touch of dark pink shadow to perfectly bring out her gorgeous eyes, again light touch of rouge with pink lip-gloss. A deep red lipstick would have been undoubtedly sexier, but would have clashed with the demureness of her ensemble.

They were all well dressed, though it was obvious that they were of very limited financial means, which had Eric wondering if they were on their way to a party or coming back from a formal dinner? She better not be coming from or going to a date. As far as Eric was concerned there was never any father, husband, fiancé, boyfriend nor any kind of male and the children were a product of Immaculate Conception. Yet, another first for him, since he found the whole concept as absurd as to declare that there is nothing more a vampire loves than getting his tan on in the midday sun, whilst munching on a delicious cone of pistachio flavor ice cream, whilst coloring in unicorns. Do not even get him started on the concept of Original Sin. Still he found himself praying to every known god and deity for it to be true, just the thought of another touching HIS Valkyrie was threatening the WHOLE FUCKING PLANET!!!!! If it meant going to every Sunday night mass for it to be true, he will do so with a smile on his face and let us all lift our hands up and Praaaaaise Jesus.

Bertha had better look like she just came off the fucking assembly line!

4 seconds, a whole shitload of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitload of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitload of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitload of paperwork.

Truthfully, the only thing stopping him from springing into a homicidal rampage was him playing with HIS girls aka, Her perfect tits, which he had not stopped doing ever since they met each other. Pulling. Tugging. Twirling. Pinching. Flicking. Oh, how they bounce. Eric smiled. Ah, pure bliss I tell you.

Eric had not even noticed that time was just slipping past him since he started his meticulous assessment of HIS three beautiful breathers, yet another first. He was so enamored by them that he was not going to stop until dawn ripped him away had it not been for his phone breaking his concentration.


“One injured vampire, 17 expired bloodbags, 39 injured and 52 thinking their cuts and bruises are worth a damn.”

Yes, Pam, tell us how you really feel. In her humble opinion they should just suck it up and walk it off, never mind that all of them required hospitalization. Eric almost chuckled forgetting that she was on his short shit list.


“Sookie Stackhouse, 24 years 10 months. Hunter Stackhouse, 1 year 11 months. Addy Stackhouse, 6 months” Yes, she knew him well.

“Meet me at my house with the full report.”

With that Eric ended the phone call and was ready to leave, when his curiosity about their aroma just would not stop tugging on him. He was positive that he could control himself. He had been doing an impeccable job thus far. So, for the first time he allowed himself to take a deep breath and really take in their smell. NO, it was not possible. They all smelled of fresh morning dew, spring breeze, the open ocean, honeysuckle, hyacinth, twinflower (that made Eric smile bright) freshly cut grass, peaches, berries, freshly baked bread and the list could continue on and on, but it all was gift wrapped around pure undiluted sunshine. It was like the more you tried to define the smell, the more complex the delicious layers there were to peel off. All three were related and all three had their own distinct potency. There was definitely something of Supernatural origin in their ambrosial odor, but it too was a bouquet that Eric could not pin down, yet another first. The children were undoubtedly siblings. NO, it was not possible. If he was not a millennium and a few centuries old vampire he would have missed it. All his senses have been so overwhelmed that he had to get closer and really breathe her in. By all the Gods! He gently lifted her on her right side and growled when he saw the damage. Pam may actually meet her final death tonight. He gently licked her deepest cut and it was as if the sun had exploded in his mouth. His eyes rolled way back and he moaned loudly in pure ecstasy as he exploded in his jeans with a force of an angry geyser. A fucking welcome first one in his entire time on earth. He did not even care if anyone saw his shortcoming or hell videoed and posted it on fucking YouTube.

A Virgin! A wonderful little virgin! HIS virgin!

With slight FAERIE flavor!

Bertha can go to hell in a hand basket; he will personally light a match and send her on her merry way.

Eric has never been this deliriously happy ever, alive or undead.

It must be what drug addicts experience during their high, because right now he wanted to skip, sing, twirl and pick flowers to weave into crowns, like a weed reeking hippy throwing peace signs.

Eric did not know if he should laugh or cry.

All that he was certain of, is that he has done something right, obviously, in one of his previous lives for the Gods to bestow this precious gift on him and he was going to spend every single night of his eternal existence to giving thanks.

He leaned down and gently pecked each of HIS girls before he kissed her lips and each of the kids’ foreheads.

If he was not in a hurry he would have personally tended to each one of their injuries with his healing saliva, but since he never encountered whatever it was that was happening to them he did not want to risk turning them by giving them his remedial blood before consulting with the annoying miniature troll.

Eric gently and carefully picked up the children and the instant they were in his arms with their little heads buried in the crook of his neck, a feeling he never before had experienced enveloped him. The closest would be of what he remembered he felt whilst sitting on the shore on a warm summer’s day and watching the long-ships dance across the water before he was deemed man enough to join them. Peaceful. Happy. Warm. Contented.

Was he still a Vampire? What was happening to him?

He pulled down the back seat flap of the soccer mom minivan and laid each child down, returning less than a second with their mother. For once he could not snipe Pam’s choice of vehicle. It was practical. He smiled. He may need to look at getting one now, what with all his passengers. He shook his head. Three words: male = SUV. He was clinging to HIS Angel holding her tightly to his chest, as if this were some kind of cruel joke and karma will spit in his face any second and fly away with all of them, never to be seen again. He was incredibly tender and careful with their bodies, as if they were the most precious cargo in the world. He smiled, to him they were, and so, so much more.

“Oh, Lover, what mysteries do you hold?”

One thing was sure, undead life would never be boring again.

Of course he could not resist and pulled her dress further down to make sure his new BFFs, aka the girls, aka the most gorgeous tits were free to breathe. If he was sure he could control himself he would have freed their big sister of the torture contraption of undergarments and lift her dress up, hell, get rid of the offensive pieces all together. Eric smiled and licked his lips envisioning her naked and spread eagled before him. It made him purr.

The drive to his house was spent in a silent conversation with HIS girls, as they readily agreed with all of his decisions by bouncing with glee up and down, with each and every one of their approvals. He did glance a handful of times at the road, just as a courtesy to the other drivers, who could not fathom how he can drive with his whole upper body twisted and leaning between the front seats. The dimwitted breather drivers would jerk and swerve in fear. Little did they know, a vampire could drive across the country blindfolded and with earplugs in without a single accident. Case in point, he had yet to wreck a car and he had been driving for over a century now. Since he never would drive less than a hundred miles per hour the ride was way too short for his liking. By the time he opened the door to start carrying them to their new home Eric started to panic. Surely this was not normal and they should have woken by now.

He did not want the little hobbit anywhere near his resting chamber so he wasted no time vamping them into the largest bedroom upstairs. He could hear the work being done downstairs on their new suites. It made him smile like a loon. He had not smiled so much, genuinely delighted smiles at that, in a single night in over millennium. It felt like that smile, was plastered across his face like a permanent tattoo.

Vampires, Supernatural creatures in general, were by no mean prudes or even slightly modest, but they were the most selfish and possessive creatures. Although very reluctant to see them go, he covered the girls after giving them a thorough goodbye and a lengthy promise that it would not be long before they see each other again for a lengthy undisturbed play date. Just as he was finishing he heard the sound of a pop announcing Ludwig’s arrival in the room. He hated anyone who can teleport. Yes. There may be a smidge of covetousness. He did not even know Ludwig could move that fast. Before he could even rise to his full height and register her movements she was standing on the nightstand by the bed which put her height (less than three and half feet) at perfect eye level to his seriously impressive six foot five inches and she was not one bit intimidated by it, as she maliciously growled in his face.

“Viking, you have exactly two seconds to explain why you have THOSE PARTICULAR three fairies in your bed and it better be Armageddon, end of the fucking Universe, good, before you NEVER see them again.”


So please, please, please let me know what you think. If I should keep going or call it a day, just go ahead and give it to me straight. First time writing, so yeah… I swear I am trying my best for you guys and a million thanks to jules3677 and treewitch7031 for their help.

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4 responses to “2:: here lay stupid

  1. Natsgirl

    July 26, 2015 at 2:18 am

    Interesting take on the story. Enjoying the Eric POV. He really is more vampire in your handling and it makes perfect sense. I know this is how Pam was introduced in the series, but it was never my favorite way to think of her – doesn’t matter. You handled her well and I can almost hear her sarcasm followed by her subservience. All three of them are telepathic – interesting! So – Jason’s? Hadley’s? Can’t wait to find out! And then, he starts molesting her! Well – not exactly domesticated! Thank goodness for Ludwig. The monkey wrench in his plans begins… Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • mp5KOVA

      July 26, 2015 at 2:31 am

      This is one of the best reviews I had the pleasure of reading.
      No worry this Miss Pam-wham-thank-you-ma’am- is no pushover, but as you said this Eric is “more” vampire or I should say all Supes in my crazy AU world are “more” supernatural in general.


  2. ljhjelm

    April 6, 2019 at 9:08 pm

    Wow, this is good. I love the story so far.


  3. ronnie0602

    April 28, 2020 at 11:32 am

    Gosh, your story is simply delightful. Can’t wait to read the next chapter. I don’t remember reading anything quite like it!



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